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Every day I hear these words from women sitting in my office. They range in age from She wants to start a family this year. But she feels like something is missing. Foreplay seemed like a waste of time and had became non-existent.

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But I was always unsure. How do you know if that was it? Was that it? It seemed more uncomfortable and painful than anything else. It was a point of contention with my first boyfriend. And then eventually, somewhat embarrassingly, it was a TV show called Masters of Sex that helped things make a lot of sense.

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In my 20s, I was oddly committed to seeking out my orgasms from other people a notoriously unreliable source. I understand having to work through shame and body issues before becoming completely comfortable with self-pleasure, but I really recommend doing whatever unblocking you need to start to pushing your own buttons ASAP. But you have to promise to control your inner Cersei; a person can get drunk off this much power.